It is Monday and we are live for Monday Night Raw. I will be writing my random thoughts as the broadcast airs tonight in what I hope is an entertaining read for you and not just the ramblings of a mad man.
Raw kicks off with some breaking news that Paul Heyman tweeted out the destruction done by Brock Lesnar earlier today at WWE Corporate Headquarters.
Looks like we may get a Lesnar sighting tonight!
Cena/ Ryback promo
Look kiddies, it’s John Cena! He goes on a nonsensical rant using Daniel Bryan’s “Yes” and “No” chants. Says he is banged up and that he probably shouldn’t have wrestled last week with his Achilles heal still hurting. He says he isn’t 100% but he will still defend his title at Extreme Rules on May 19. Vickie decides to stick her nose in because apparently McMahon is still looking through resumes to try and find a new permanent Raw General Manager. Vickie brings out Ryback to determine the stipulation for their big WWE Championship match next Sunday.
Cena wants a whine off and does a better-than-average Ryback impersonation. I think the IWC would probably walk away with the title in a whine off. His next suggestion is a granny panties on a poll match. Hardy har har. Yawn. Cena says he doesn’t care about the stipulation, just wants to whoop some ass. So it’s all up to Ryback. Ryback wants a Last Man Standing match at Extreme Rules.
Well this match went from interesting to predicable in a single bound. There is no way the leader of the Never Give Up Cenation will be knocked out.
There have been some great last man standing matches in the past, but most of these are hindered by the fact that most characters can’t stay credible with a loss in this type of match. So they end up predictable. If I had two nickles to rub together I would put them on Cena and let it ride to a big win.
Damian Sandow vs Randy Orton
Orton enters the ring first. It will be interesting to see if Orton can follow up the stellar match from last week’s Raw against Cody Rhodes with another good match here against Sandow. Sandow enters and sings a little ditty to The Viper; Calling him an ignoramus in the lyrics. Really fun song actually.
Orton is dominating the match early and we are off to a commercial break. We return to action and Sandow is in charge, not sure how. Must have been on the WWE mobile app. Orton reverses momentum in a vintage fashion, getting a nice scoop slam and a huge drop kick. He sets him up for the DDT off the ropes and hits it – in vintage fashion once again. An RKO soon after and Orton wins with a quick pin.
Orton has been booked very strongly lately and it looks like they are finally starting to build the former WWE Champion up once again. Could a Orton push be upcoming? Whoa! Big Show blindsides Orton with a big KO punch and Orton is out cold on the ramp. Sneaky move for the big fella.
We should get a match between the two at Extreme Rules. Would like to see a good Extreme Rules match between these guys with Orton coming on top. Should be interesting.
Fandango vs R-Truth
The fireworks hit and it’s the Ayatollah of RocknRolla! Chris Jericho returns to Monday Night Raw! Jericho had only missed a few dates as he has been touring with his band – Fozzy. The crowd is pumped for his appearance. Jericho recently fought on NXT in an awesome match against Bray Wyatt. Check out the highlights here:
Looks like we are in for another dancing competition… again… on this wrestling show… more dancing. Honestly, can we get back to wrestling and cut the dancing already? Enough is enough. Anyways, Jericho brings down Sweet T and Brodus Clay to be judges for the contest. Biggest disappointment of the night so far – no Summer Rae escorting Fandango tonight. Jericho gives Fandango a 1 while he gets 2s from Tons of Funk.
R-Truth comes out to take on FanDumbo. Could be a good match but I expect this to be a squash match. Truth getting in some early offense and hits him with the scissor kick. Fandimbo gives up and leaves the ring, being counted out. The judges give R-Truth two 10s and a 42 for his performance. I think that’s a bit high, but what do I know.
Weird segment to me, this whole night has seemed rather silly to me so far. They also seem to be building R-Truth for the umpteenth time after victories over Cesaro and now Fandango. I wonder if that is leading anywhere.
Justin Roberts interview with Daniel Bryan
Bryan says he is going to prove that it will take more than The Shield to keep him down and that he wants Ryback. Ryback is right behind Bryan and declines the match saying he would destroy Bryan even if we was healthy. Kane steps in and says he is up for the challenge and Ryback says he isn’t what he used to be. MMkay. Looks like a Kane vs Ryback match tonight. Was hoping to see Bryan get another match after he put on a heck of a match against Ryback on Smackdown last week. Oh well.
Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio
Well they are putting these two in the ring together again. Not that I don’t like seeing these two compete, but why does the WWE always have these feuds face each other each and every week. By the time we get to the actual PPV does anyone even care anymore? I personally get fatigue watching the same matches week in and week out on TV and PPV.
The match seems like the two are going through the motions so far, not a lot of energy from the competitors or the crowd. Oh, but what’s this? The charismatic ball of energy that is Jack Swagger has made an appearance. This should really get the crowd going..
We’re back from break and Ziggler is cooking and is in control of the contest. “Ryback Rules” is trending on Twitter. Wonder if that will be similar to Raven’s Rules. Ryback could come to the ring with a shopping cart full of weapons. Maybe a stop sign or two to the dome of Cena will knock out the champ.
I wonder who would win in a “Worse on the mic contest” between Ryback and Jack Swagger. My money is on Swagger.
Del Rio hits the reverse superplex on Ziggler! What an awesome move. Only ZigglyPuff could pull that off. Love it. Love AJ Lee more however. She looks concerned. Maybe she needs a hug, I would be more than willing to volunteer.
Del Rio hits the crossarmbreaker! Ziggler is in trouble but Big E comes to the save after AJ’s distraction. Big E goes flying into Swagger and Swagger takes out Big E. A ladder is pulled out from under the ring and havoc is being raised by Swagger. He has taken out all of his competitors. Cool stuff. Swagger looks ready for his shot next Sunday.
Kaitlyn’s mystery man
We head backstage and we have another promo teasing Kaitlyn’s secret admirer. Like little Simpson’s quote from Ralph’s Valentine to Lisa. I cho-cho-choose you, and there’s a picture of a train. The Bella Twins come out and looked pleased with themselves. Looks like they might be behind the secret admirer. My money is still on Hornswaggle. It’s always Hornswaggle.
The Shield vs Kofi Kingston and The Usos
JBL says The Shield could be as good as The Freebirds, the Four Horseman and The nWo. Now I don’t know about that, but they have certainly made a name for themselves quickly in the WWE.
After some quick action The Shield takes control and begins working on one of the Usos in their corner. They are making quick, frequent tags and won’t let the competitor out of their corner. Great strategy by The Shield.
Kofi finally gets the hot tag and Kingston goes to work on Dean Ambrose hitting him with a Boom Drop. Kingston nearly gets the pin but Reigns gets the close save. Kingston heads to the top rope and gets knocked off by Rollins. Ambrose hits Kingston with his yet-to-be-named finisher and The Shield wins.
Another match, another win for The Shield. A good showcase for the Usos and Kingston here, and they used their time well, looking good in defeat.
Antonio Cesaro vs Zack Ryder
Cesaro enters sporting a new beret. Must have tweaked his character as he isn’t yodeling this week. Next stop = Main Event. Ok, maybe not. But this match should be interesting. Two jobbers enter, only one survives!
The crowd is having a tough time deciding which underdog to root for here. Could they both lose somehow? Maybe Lesnar will arrive and take out both of them.
Very European Uppercut by Cesaro lays out Ryder and Cesaro hits the Neutralizer for the 1,2,3. Could this be the groundwork for another Cesaro push? He gets on the microphone and asks “Is that all the competition you have for me?” He says there is no one in this company who can hold a candle to Cesaro in the ring. Now this may be true but in storyline it’s preposterous as Cesaro hasn’t won in a long long time (before tonight of course).
For about the ninth time tonight they are teasing Lesnar’s assault on WWE Headquarters, more specifically Triple H’s office. I wouldn’t want to be the security guard making $12 an hour at WWE when Lesnar came walking through the doors.
Paul Heyman Promo via Satellite w/ Brock Lesnar
Heyman debuts his footage of Lesnar’s “Self guided tour” of WWE Headquarters. Whether or not this will be boring or not, it’s really cool to see inside the WWE Headquarters. Looks like a nice building.
No one is standing in the way as Lesnar makes his way to the fourth floor. Lesnar stares down The Rock’s poster from this year’s Royal Rumble; possibly teasing the rumored Brock vs Rock WrestleMania XXX match. Very cool.
They head into Triple H’s office to find it empty. The office looks incredibly fake to me. Wouldn’t want to break his actual office I suppose. Brock takes down the sledgehammer and begins swinging it with reckless abandon. He actually breaks the sledgehammer, nice touch. Too bad it’s all fake. That desk looks like it was bought at Wal-Mart earlier in the day.
Triple H is in trouble come Extreme Rules, Lesnar looks ready to rumble.
It cuts back to Heyman who continues his promo when The Game’s music hits. Triple H is in the building! He talks about how extreme he is and reminds the crowd that he was a founding member of DX and knocked out Lesnar at WrestleMania. He says it’s lame that they would show up at Headquarters on a Monday cause they knew he would be at Raw. Triple H says it doesn’t matter that is office is destroyed because he has two offices; One in Stamford and one under his feet.
Nice promo from the veteran here. I’m pretty excited to see this match. More excited than their previous two matches even.
AJ Lee and the Bellas vs Kaitlyn and the Funkadactyles
AJ starts in the ring and gives a couple of back to back neckbreakers to Cameron. Oh what am I doing, no one cares about the match. These girls look fantastic tonight! The Bellas look better than ever since coming back to WWE and AJ never looks bad. I would be dumb not to mention the other ladies are looking just grand as well.
Whoa, the Bellas desert AJ as she goes for the tag and Kaitlyn spears AJ for the pin. Interesting twist. I like that they actually have a couple storylines going for the Divas. They deserve more than they have been given lately and it’s always nice to see more AJ.
Mark Henry and Sheamus promo
Mark Henry jumps into a promo about Sheamus. Henry has the perfect cadence for the “What?” chants and the crowd is playing right into it. They cut to a video package of Henry beating up Sheamus over the last couple of weeks. Looks like they are gonna fight at Extreme Rules as Henry lays out the challenge to the Celtic Warrior.
Cue Sheamus’ music, Lobster Head. Sheamus shows a video clip of him beating up Henry. Who has the edge?! But for real, this feud has been pretty lame and it hasn’t felt natural at all. Maybe the match will be ok in a couple weeks but I’m excited for this one to be done with already.
Both guys are ready to throw down but of course Wade Barrett interrupts before anything exciting can happen. Looks like we have a Barrett vs Sheamus match up next.
Wade Barrett vs Sheamus
Mark Henry is at ringside for this match so it will probably end in some kind of DQ. Well Henry looked to get involved in the match and Sheamus meets him with a big Brogue Kick to lay out Henry at the ringside. Sheamus is dominating the Intercontinental Champion in the ring in the meantime.
Barrett gets the upper hand and goes for the BullHammer Elbow which is reversed by Sheamus into White Noise. Sheamus follows it up with the Brogue Kick and he gets the victory. Mark Henry uses the opportunity to enter the ring and beat Sheamus down with a belt. Sounds painful. A World Strongest Slam to the outside and Henry has made his point.
Kane vs Ryback – Main Event
Well our Main Event tonight is Kane and Ryback. At least it’s a match we haven’t seen a million times before. Kane gets the edge early but I doubt it will last too long against the monster Ryback.
I really think this heel turn by Ryback has already been a bust. All his momentum has been lost, he isn’t drawing any heat as a heel and it’s almost guaranteed he will lose next Sunday to Cena at Extreme Rules. Why does the WWE insist on turning any new star into fish food for the shark that is Cena? I don’t get it and it’s pretty annoying. If I were booking Extreme Rules I would have Ryback dominate and win in convincing fashion. He could go on a tear while Cena heels up away from TV for a while. This would allow Cena to come back and reignite the feud once his heel is healed up. It probably won’t happen but it would be a cool twist.
Back to the action and Ryback is in control after the commercial break. The two meatheads look to be hugging it out as they give a series of rest holds in the middle of the ring.
Ryback goes for the meathook closeline and is greeting by a big boot to the face as Kane reverses. Kane hits a big DDT but only gets a 2 count. Ryback gets back in control following a spinebuster to Kane. Ryback looks for his finisher but is blocked and reversed by Kane. Kane heads to the top rope but is knocked down by Ryback and he is able to hit Shell Shock for the pin.
The Shield’s music hits and Ryback bails. Kane is out and Daniel Bryan heads to the ring to save his tag team partner. Cena sprints to the ring to aid Bryan against The Shield as they circle the ring. Ryback heads back into the ring as The Shield is being beaten back and hits Cena with a steel chair twice as Raw goes off the air in a chorus of boos from the crowd.
Cool, but pretty predictable Main Event. We’ll see if Ryback can draw any heat next week in the go home show for Extreme Rules.
Kind of a boring episode for me. I’m hoping we get a little more hardcore action next week as it’s the go home show for Extreme Rules. I am excited for the Triple Threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship and the Lesnar vs Triple H match, but other than that this PPV is looking a little light. If they add a Team Hell No vs Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins that should be a really solid match too. Even the Divas Title match has more intrigue to me than the Ryback vs Cena Main Event. It’s really missing something and I can’t put my finger on it but the angle is just not working.
Be sure to check out Episode 13 of Podcast of the Immortals tomorrow right here on http://www.podcastoftheimmortals.wordpress.com. Also be sure to rate and subscribe to us on iTunes!